Friday, June 17, 2016

Bird Intimidation

It's like the wild kingdom in our yard. Otis the Groundhog and his buddies routinely venture up from the woods to munch on our grass and flowers. Barry Bunny and his friends like to eat the dandelions and pea shoots. The deer like to walk through and munch on stuff. Randy Raccoon likes to try to tear our trash can apart and once upon a time left us some raccoon poop on the deck. That was lovely. The squirrels like the walnut trees and scampering around on the deck and through the herb pots. I know there are mice and hawks. There is a never-ending "supply" of wolf spiders, ants, small spiders, daddy long legs, stink bugs, and those terrifying house centipedes. There have been too many wasp and bee nests to keep count. I already wrote about Sammy Snake. He scares me the most. Stray cats wander around the yard and sometimes meow and screech. Ugh I hate cats. But even more than the cats, I think I hate the birds. Birds disgust me.

They poop on the deck, frequently within moments of it being freshly washed & sealed. They poop on the driveway and walkway. The poop on the windows, and not just any window but the hardest to clean windows, the ones that require a ladder carefully anchored on a slope to clean the exterior of them. They hurl themselves into the windows, leaving bird goop behind and often killing themselves, leaving bird bodies under the windows for nocturnal critters to enjoy. They fly around in large groups and land on the roof, all flapping their wings at the same time, making a horrible, scary movie, Alfred Hitchcock kind of vibe.

And then there are the nests. They love to build nests under the deck. Then they FREAK if you go under the deck to mow or weed or destroy a wasp nest. I tried to be nice. After all, nests are for eggs and eggs mean helpless baby birds. It's not like I want more birds, but I don't really want to kill them.

Well, I didn't. Not until Sammy Snake started lurking and slithering around the top and underside of the deck. I'm pretty sure he was hoping to snag a bird egg. Therefore, the way I see it, the birds I already despise are attracting a critter that completely freaks me out. I can't let that stand.

So I asked SP to get rid of the bird nests. He wasn't too happy but he saw my point. When he came back inside one morning after being on a destroy wasp and bird nest mission, I asked him how it had gone. He was happy to report that the wasps were handled. The bird nests? Well, Bird Who Tweets Like A Maniac Whenever You Go Under the Deck was apparently looking right at him, giving him the eye, intimidating him, and he couldn't do it. He couldn't bring himself to knock out the nest.

I was not happy. I get it, I do, but... snake. And also, I personally feel the bird population is a little to populous here at Casa Yum Yum. Has he seen the amount of bird poo around the house, yard, deck, patio - even smeared on tree leaves?!

So wife evil eye and chirping trumped bird evil eye & chirping and SP went back out and knocked out the nest. He looked miserable about it. I felt bad.

I felt even worse when an hour later the deck guy called to say he'd be stopping by to power wash the deck. No way the nest would survive that, so if we'd just waited a couple hours, we both would have "won." SP would not have felt like a baby bird killer and I would have gotten the bird nests removed.

We aren't the only ones attacking birds, though. SP found this pile in the back yard. Guess one of the stray cats had a successful day.

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